Bloody Lips, Brawling & More Lezbos!

You may have guessed that strange behavior is a constant in my line of work.  It is, but I am used to it.  Not much surprises me anymore.  Think about it, I am in bars on a regular basis, that are full of drunks.   There's gonna be drama.

The douche of the evening at my Saturday night show last weekend in Placentia was the tall, clearly already stewed, blonde man-child.  He arrived with another less stewed, but equally annoying fellow and a blonde southern belle.  {insert eye roll}

Almost immediately, he sprints for the dance floor and without hesitation, approaches my keyboard, looks over the top of my music book and proceeds to bite it.  Yes, bite the book.  I calmly smack his forehead and he retreats.  Moments later he returns to grab my microphone stand, of which I promptly snatch away and firmly tell him not to touch any of our equipment.

As the evening progresses, he feels the need to dance, if you call it that, ever so close to us as we play, nearly falling into us every 30 seconds.   I should have had him thrown out sooner, but I always give the benefit of the doubt.  Security warns him to behave shortly after.

I am rewarded for my kindness by getting punched in the face with my own mic due to the douche falling into me and my stand as I sing.   With my lip starting to bleed and swell, I dart off the stage toward security to let them know it's time for that guy to go.   Out of the corner of my eye, I see the douche bag falling into Asian Halen too.

The evening comes to a total halt and almost errupts in a brawl as the group is being escorted out.  Mostly this is due to Teddy Bear yelling at the southern belle, who can't understand why they are being asked to leave, to get the hell out.  The belle starts to yell back that the bar should not have bands that are disrespectful to woman.

Are you catching the irony here?  It's OK to have patrons that disrespect a woman (namely The Rocker) and her whole band, but my drummer can't express anger by telling you to get the hell out?  This makes my blood boil, so I start towards her with every intention of grabbing her little blonde locks and pulling them out of her bubble head.  But first, I need to take my earrings off....

Before I can do so, and lucky for her, she is escorted out before I, and Mrs. Teddy Bear, can get our hands on her.  We continue with our performance after the applause dies down.  By the way, don't mess with Mrs. Teddy bear either.

Later, I find myself chatting with a cool chick who buys me a drink.  I am picking up some strange vibes however, so I casually mention my S.O.  Her demeanor changes.   Just as I thought, she was hitting on me.  She eventually confesses, and says that she still digs me even though I am straight.

"Right back at ya!" I retort.  She was a pretty cool chick, so we continue rapping about music for a bit.

The evening ends peacefully, not only with a fat lip, but fat tips too!  Thanks!  It's all par for the course.

Wonder what tonight will bring?

....I'm ready.

Lighthouse, Lezbos & Sex on the Beach, Oh my!

Hello fellow rockers.  Please accept my apologies for the delay in new postings as it's been a busy couple of weeks for The Rocker.

Our Lighthouse gig in Hermosa Beach was mostly uneventful, with a few exceptions, though nothing out of the ordinary for us.  It's a fun venue with a mixed bag of drunks.  We get a roomy stage at this joint, with very few cracks in the floor.  A bonus for me considering I wear whore shoes that the stilettos routinely catch in the holes and/or cracks of the stage causing me to twist an ankle, making me look plastered even though I most likely am quite sober.   This is the stuff you guys in the audience don't realize that I have to deal with.  It's not all fun and games.

Aside from a dude heckling me to play some Pantera, the crowd was great.   As I sang,  I watched a group of cougars dance with the 30 year old B-day boy, and he was loving every minute of it, even busting out some break dancing moves.  It wasn't pretty, he was white.

After my second set, I went to powder my nose and was approached by a lipstick lesbian.  She was hot so it was almost a shame I don't swing that way.  Thankfully, she was cool about it and I found myself with a drink in my hand not long after when she brought over a Sex on the Beach as I was chatting with friends at the bar.  I had a taste tester check it out for me (safety first!).  I haven't had one of those in years, usually it's too sweet for me.  However, I was sweating through my new Guess tank top and jeans, and it sounded refreshing.  Besides, it is rude to turn down a drink so *of course* I had to accept.  

After the last set of the evening, we broke down our gear and the bar manager comp'd me a long-pour Jack Daniels, as I couldn't really have any during the performance.  Ah, a nice reward for a job well done.   I also scored a couple the ribs that he ordered from the pub next door, helping to quell my standard hunger after a show.   It's the little things that make me happy.