You may have guessed that strange behavior is a constant in my line of work. It is, but I am used to it. Not much surprises me anymore. Think about it, I am in bars on a regular basis, that are full of drunks. There's gonna be drama.
The douche of the evening at my Saturday night show last weekend in Placentia was the tall, clearly already stewed, blonde man-child. He arrived with another less stewed, but equally annoying fellow and a blonde southern belle. {insert eye roll}
Almost immediately, he sprints for the dance floor and without hesitation, approaches my keyboard, looks over the top of my music book and proceeds to bite it. Yes, bite the book. I calmly smack his forehead and he retreats. Moments later he returns to grab my microphone stand, of which I promptly snatch away and firmly tell him not to touch any of our equipment.
As the evening progresses, he feels the need to dance, if you call it that, ever so close to us as we play, nearly falling into us every 30 seconds. I should have had him thrown out sooner, but I always give the benefit of the doubt. Security warns him to behave shortly after.
I am rewarded for my kindness by getting punched in the face with my own mic due to the douche falling into me and my stand as I sing. With my lip starting to bleed and swell, I dart off the stage toward security to let them know it's time for that guy to go. Out of the corner of my eye, I see the douche bag falling into Asian Halen too.
The evening comes to a total halt and almost errupts in a brawl as the group is being escorted out. Mostly this is due to Teddy Bear yelling at the southern belle, who can't understand why they are being asked to leave, to get the hell out. The belle starts to yell back that the bar should not have bands that are disrespectful to woman.
Are you catching the irony here? It's OK to have patrons that disrespect a woman (namely The Rocker) and her whole band, but my drummer can't express anger by telling you to get the hell out? This makes my blood boil, so I start towards her with every intention of grabbing her little blonde locks and pulling them out of her bubble head. But first, I need to take my earrings off....
Before I can do so, and lucky for her, she is escorted out before I, and Mrs. Teddy Bear, can get our hands on her. We continue with our performance after the applause dies down. By the way, don't mess with Mrs. Teddy bear either.
Later, I find myself chatting with a cool chick who buys me a drink. I am picking up some strange vibes however, so I casually mention my S.O. Her demeanor changes. Just as I thought, she was hitting on me. She eventually confesses, and says that she still digs me even though I am straight.
"Right back at ya!" I retort. She was a pretty cool chick, so we continue rapping about music for a bit.
The evening ends peacefully, not only with a fat lip, but fat tips too! Thanks! It's all par for the course.
Wonder what tonight will bring?
....I'm ready.
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